The Back Page: Crickets Suck!
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Crickets suck!
You know they do.
They chirp chirp chirp.
They attract other nasties.
They die and have a vulgar stench.
They just don't die soon enough if ya ask me.
We believe they give our critters worms.
Nematodes.
That's when they don't spring to safety just as they're about to me dropped into a cage only to die later in a corner and stink.
Did I mention they stink?
Cricket farms charge a lot of money. Apparently people still buy crickets.
Who'd want to be in the business of raising these vermin anyway?
Still, they give us a bonus.
That's right. Free flour moths and fuzzy worms in every box.
For a lot of money.
Crickets kill molting arachnids.
Crickets escape and leave hard tiny crap pellets in their wake.
Crickets have a life span of about 60 days. Two months too long.
Pet stores sell these vile creatures by the dozen.
The kid who gets them for you will count and make sure there isn't thirteen.
Eight will be alive when you get home. Probably the eight that can chirp.
Female crickets have ovipositors.
That's a fancy word for the thing pointing out of their butts.
Uneaten crickets will stick these things in the substrate and later your cage will be overrun with flea-size baby crickets.
Ain't that special?
Which brings me to the roach.
Now there's a bug to be fond of.
They breed like... well, roaches.
They eat things that are free or cheap.
They live a long time for a bug. Once a breeding colony is established you have almost free food forever.
In an assortment of sizes.
Hail the roach! The roach is good!